At the weekend, OH raised the subject of IVF with egg sharing at a private clinic nearby, instead of IUI with super ovulation. We discussed it a lot, I researched it a lot. My choice, if it were just my choice, would be to go straight to the private clinic to start the tests etc needed for IVF and egg sharing.
From my point of view, there are lots of positives to doing this:
1. Greater chance of success.
2. Cost. If we were accepted as egg sharers, we would have the IVF paid for, and only have to pay for the sperm, and only one shot at that. Should one attempt not work, we would have spare embryos to try another month (although we’d have to pay for embryo storage, and for subsequent treatments, but that would still be less than the IUI).
3. Should we decide we wanted another child down the line, we are more likely to be able to afford it. And it might be that I could carry the baby, and it be a full genetic sibling.
4. We could keep using the donor we carefully chose all those months ago, and who is the father of baby May.
5. I can’t get it out of my head that my cousin and her partner had 6 failed IUIs, and then on their first IVF were successful. I know there are no guarantees, but that thought is pretty planted in my head.
There are also down sides:
1. There is no guarantee OH would be accepted as an egg sharer.
2. We would have to pay consultation fees and probably for some of the necessary blood tests. This takes away some of our budget for future IUI, should OH not be accepted.
3. IVF is more invasive than IUI.
4. The private clinic is an hour’s drive away, as opposed to a short bus ride/20 minutes in the car.
5. OH has now got a few issues with what happens to the unused embryos, and is also reluctant to change clinics.
6. The success rate at our local branch of the clinic is lower than other branches.
7. There will be delays caused by some of the testing needed (e.g. HIV testing) and possibly with being matched with a recipient.
8. What if the recipient is successful and we aren’t?
This is a big decision to make, and given that it is more invasive and it’s OH who would have to go through it. So while I’ve made my preference known, ultimately it’s got to be her who has the final say.
OH has decided she would like to try more IUI, which has me kind of disappointed. I’m dreading more IUI. Even with super ovulation, my understanding is that the odds still aren’t great. And while we’d still be waiting a while if we went for the IVF, we’d at least be doing SOMETHING right now – tests and such. As it is, there is nothing we can do, only wait. 2 week waits suck, but I think this wait sucks even more. I’m always powerless in this, but with there just being nothing happening, this feels worse.
I feel quite guilty admitting I’m upset by this. I feel like admitting I’m upset is putting pressure on OH to change her mind, which is the very last thing I want. I support her whatever happens, and fully understand her reasoning, but it doesn’t change that I feel how I feel. And how I feel is disappointed.
Mummy Number 2 